Thursday, May 28, 2009

Are You My Friend/Acquaintance?

I haven’t been updating too frequently because my life is all about studies. Things like how long I spend completing my past year paper or what time I have been visiting the library will no doubt bore you to sleep. There are times when I have a strong urge to blog, yet not knowing what to blog about. I wonder, are exams supposed to make us smarter, or are they just created to confuse you and make you dumber? When I’m too engaged in a certain subject, I can’t seem to think straight about others. Even if it’s a simple conversation, it takes some time to fully comprehend. Sometimes I just couldn’t help keeping words and figures in my brain, the sight of them keep popping up even in my dream. Dreaming about exams couldn’t be more common for me. I remember once during secondary school when I dreamt about failing my History and ended up crying. I woke up and found myself crying. The impact from the dream was huge as it felt real. To be honest, I used to have very high expectation from myself. My will for excelling was strong, and getting any score lower than A has never occurred in my life. Well, I mean if you don’t count those insignificant monthly tests. But now, I no longer feel quite the same. My expectation is still A, but I’ve been working less harder and slacking more often.

How many times have you thought that you future is so bleak and aimless? I get that feeling occasionally, when people start asking what I’m gonna be in the future. I have no idea. The reason of me taking A-Level’s right now is because I have no idea what I really want. So basically I’m just killing some time in order to think. However, the difficulty of reaching a conclusion is greater than I’ve imagined. Whenever I get frustrated, I decided not to think altogether and hope that things will turn fine by itself. Like the saying “chuan dao qiao tou zi ran zhi” (lol tell you what, I’m reading an English novel written by a Chinese author, lotsa proverb quoted). But I know I can’t be taking A-Level’s forever, and one day I will have to make a decision. I have a vision that by the time it comes to choose my own husband, it will be twice the difficulties. Being a perfectionist, my dream guy will most probably exist only in my dream. Or maybe he does exists, but I might not necessary be his dream girl? I think I might end up an old spinster X(

Recently my blog posts contain more words than pictures. I don’t really care if you read my rantings. If you do, I will be really glad if you leave some comments, at least I know you’re reading. But if you don’t, great, you are just like my boyfriend! LOL. Because he hardly clicks on my blog link, and when he does, it is to check whether I have been flirting. When guys intentionally ask me out, he gets a little jealous. (hello guys, please ask me out and provoke him! XD) But at the same time, he said my life is pathetic because I have very little friends (it’s true, even though my contact list is many times longer than yours, my social circle consists of 80% of acquaintances and only 20% of friends, if you even know the difference). How I admire those people who have friends, real friends whom they can really get along and hang out with. Not necessary those who understand the bottom of your heart (because that criteria is reserved for best friends), but people whom you can chat, eat and shop with without feeling awkward. Not that I’m choosy when it comes to friends, but it’s just impossible to befriend everyone. Of course, it all depends on “tian shi, di li, ren he” (HAHAHAHAHAHA not again, can someone please translate that to the bananas?), when it is not fated, no matter how much you try, you just won’t click. This makes me realized that friends don’t come that easily, so you have no idea how much I treasure them =)))

Something happened in McD last week was I was revising for Accounting. My jaw almost dropped when I saw the chilli sauce which almost ruined my lecture notes. My immediate response was accusing Hunt for doing it and ordered him to get me tissue from the counter. I was infuriated by his forever-slumber reaction so I showed a very very angry expression and said “kuai dian, xian zai, li ke, ma shang!!!” It worked perfectly like a magic chant! Hiak hiak.

Okay, my housemate is reciting some Chinese poem about dumpling festival in her room. So loud that I can hear her from outside. Wtfreak. A poem about dumpling festival! Seriously -.- I have never heard one before. But I do know the poem about Ching Ming festival. I can even recite the whole poem to you! Teehee. Did you eat any bak zhang this year? It has been one of my favourite food ever since I was young. Each year grandma will make the rice dumplings, and I could eat up to five in one day. Few days ago, I was so desperate that I bought a few from the grocery shop downstairs. It was vegetarian, no wonder the meat tasted so good! I kinda dislike real meat which tastes too meaty, like pork which is too porky and chicken which is too chickeney. Well, Katie and Jess should know XD Dad came to KL yesterday so I asked him to bring me some bak zhang. I went all the way to Hang Tuah just to get them, but nothing beats the joy and contentment. I don’t think all of you will understand this, because most of the time we tend to take things we have for granted.

Dad, if you’re reading this, thanks for the bak zhang! I will go home once I finish my exam. See ya!


Chuah Chee Keong said...

Yeah, I have a bad dream just 1 night before accounting. It was about me getting late for accounting, everything seemed so real in the dream. Paper starts at 2, and then I reached college at 2.30, drove my car and rushed all the way to the hall, saw my watch, it was 3.15, EVERYTHING SEEMED SO REAL, and i was crying for the invigilator to let me in, seriously crying i can even feel it at that time, then i woke up.

It's terrible... very terrible dream. I hattte exam.

~AmY~ AmylopectiN said...

Hey, just to let you know that I am reading your blog.. Hehehe....

howzan said...

kate, let's go on a date.

yC said...

You sounds worry and unsure; perhaps, this wishy-washy is because of the lacking of confident, and courage in dealing with life's mishap e.g. fall in exam or in your case getting B in exam.

I think at this stage, it is certainly no rush for you to decide what to in life. Let your journey tell you.

I noticed that you blog quite a bit about your family. This is certainly good, and something I really admire with as you have such a close relationship with your lovely family :)

Good luck with all your stuffs!


WinnieWong said...

Somehow, I understand how you feel because I am experiencing the same problem too. Friends are many but who are the people who really care and know about me are less. They might be lots of fake people or hi and bye friends, but what I need is someone that can do more than these. Life is complicated sometimes... But I am trying to look at it positively. All the best to you too =) Cheers ~

..*AnNiE*.. said...

"when it is not fated, no matter how much you try, you just won’t click"

i couldn't agree more.i always think that not everyone has the same if we don't,we just don't click.that's why i think i'm kinda anti-social like that.=.="

hey,and i comment because i want you to know that i actually read every word u wrote..lolz

lastly,+u in your studies and have a great future!=)

leeern said...

Wow~~ A friend asked me to check out your passion for studying. True huh XD

Koreans are basically crazy. The way we Malaysians try to study is equal to the way they try not to study wtf.

Your blog has always been entertaining <3

I'm not funny so I cannot try to be funny &^%$#$%^&

True that we tend to have less faith in friendship as we grow up. No one believes in friendship forever >=(

A bunch of friends but sometimes they seem too far from me, dunno who to reach to when you're hollow inside out.

=chuan guan= said...

lets go out LOOO...(am i provoking?hahaha)

Jaclyn ♥ said...

chill.. this is life =) passer-by made up a part of our life and where love,relationship,family,studies fill up the rest of the parts too =) my bf also hardly read my blog and he might dont even remember the add =(
life is full of uncertain and it always put us in misery. we will never learn until we fall. when you're at the age of 40 and recall these 'glorious' days eventually you'll find out you're smiling.. cause you've come over all these with your own effort ^_^ time will tell so don't worry..just make every day as your best day ^_^

Copykate said...

chuah: wow, u must have been really stressed for accounting! last time history was one of my most dreaded subjects, that's why. i even cried when i failed to finish my revision in time XD

amy: aww i know, thanks! <333

howzan: really??? but. . u're so gay! i think it'd be better if you go out with hik. u two make a perfect pair. LOL.

yc: no particular reason like getting bad grades in exam actually. just in a state of confusion when events of life and emotions are all mixed up, and well, i dunno, how else can i express my feelings than to pen down my every thoughts. . oh, i'm glad to have a happy family, in spite of the arguments and disagreement that occur occasionally =)

peh hwa: that's true! there's a saying that friends are forever which does not really apply to every single friend because some friends just come and go. can't help it =/ some friends though, are worth keeping and they're the ones we should cherish. life seems mysterious to me. good luck too!

annie: thanks for reading my every word! XD yep, i will work hard for the sake of my future. teehee.

leern: koreans are like that? didn't know! msians must appear really diligent there. LOL. i'm always discovering new things through reading, that's why. even when it's a bimbotic chic lit, there're so much new things to be learnt! XD

chuan guan: lets go swimming in pv5! (swimming as in playing water because i can't swim) kaka.

jacklyn: thank you! that really makes sense =) i know, in few years time when i reflect on the past, all the unpleasant happenings will seem to tiny, so insignificant. on the other hand, good times will always be remembered! said...

*adds misai on your face*

kate darling, will you go out with me? :P

Copykate said...

sirei: shouldn't you add it on your own face?? LOL. yesh i will, and u dun even need to fake any thick bushy moustache XD

Benjamin Chuah said...

EH WAIT CHUAH WAS ME .. AHHAHAHAH that's my dad gmail account ftw..

Copykate said...

ben: i knew it was u. u're the only chuah i know. and i can recognise ur way of saying things lahhhh! XD

Katie ♥ said...

wait, i want to eat bak zhang also :( WHYYYYYYYYYYY.

Eh Diva for your birthday k? ;D

Copykate said...

katie: ate too many bak zhang, too heaty, a bit sick dy. kaka. anything will do babe. i like it as long as it's from u XD said...

coz i wanna be the girly girl, you be the macho man XD

Copykate said...

sirei: eee how can. we take turns! coz i can't give up on dresses yet! teehee.