With Your Fake Smile

Seriously, I don’t really give a damn about my blog. Don’t ask me for updates. I’m just too lazy and tired. No, I haven’t been busy. I’ve been rotting at home everyday. Now you know how insignificant my life is. It’s so dull and mundane and I haven’t been giving any efforts of making it better. Garn, I feel like such an unworthy person.

I talked to someone yesterday. Not to mention who, but he’s actually quite a well-known blogger. Well, I actually dunno how to start this. Well, let’s just say in his blog everything is just so nice and perfect, it’s as if he’s staying in a paradise, living a good life and having all the friends he has in the world. Everything seems so perfect that all his readers would do anything to be him. Frankly, when I first knew him, I envied his life, his blog, his readers and all that. It seemed that he’s a well-pampered blogger and enjoy all the happiness in the world. But do you know that sometimes things aren’t always like what we see? As I got to know him better, I realized that he isn’t happy at all. He’s really sad. You know how one can live in this one big lie that he’s the happiest in the world when it is actually the other way round?

I feel really sorry that he has to face all these. Being a friend, I’m trying to help him to make things better. Well, at least change his mindset of the world. When you’re filled with hatred, and that everything is cheap and ugly, do you think you would ever live happily? If you keep resisting, when will you ever overcome the emptiness that filled you? Sometimes, things aren’t in our control. We can hardly change it when we want to, especially when we’ve grown up like that. The only thing we can change is our thinking. Think positively. Be optimistic. But can we actually do it? Surely it takes time?

Despite being a fool most of the time, I can be a very serious person. He made me ponder upon my own life. Am I really happy? Or am I just living in a big lie like him? Am I showing my true elf all the time? Or am I just being a superficial doll? I remember Hui Yi who used to tell me that I am an emotionless creature and that I tend to hide my feelings with laughter. I do have feelings, though I’m acting nonchalantly most of the time. I used to care a lot about everything, but not anymore. I dunno what it was that changed me, but I don’t seem to be affected by anything now. I live my life on my own will, I don’t really care about what others think of me. Do you call this “living in my own world”? Or is it “running away from reality”? It’s putting a fake smile, just like how you put on your fake tan. But I’m not fake. I can actually babble to you what I think about my life, what’s happening, stuff, all that. I can just sit down and engage with a serious talk with you.

Have you ever noticed that people nowadays prefer to read something light and entertaining? Sadly, they’re not bothered by serious articles any longer. Well, I have to admit that most of the time when I go blog hopping, I look for entries that are funny and interesting. Serious thought just don’t seem to appeal to me. What happened to the new generation? Even if you compare the comment column, interesting entries always receive the most feedbacks compared to the serious ones. Frankly, I’m not really bothered by political issues. Of course, unless it’s something hilarious that speaks ill of the minister etc.

I dunno what’s the main point of this post anymore. Can someone tell me that I didn’t sound too emo? I find it amusing that people out there have many different perceptions of me. What do you think? Am I just a shallow noob or am I a true understanding soul?