This morning, I woke up and recalled my dream of returning to my high school as an adult. It was a good dream, walking out of my high school alongside the sports field wearing my casual outfit with my shades on and feeling my wavy hair being blown by the comforting breeze. In the dream, I was fully aware that my hair had been dyed a beautiful shade of copper. Scattered around the school were girls tidily clad in their blue pinafore, staring at me with eyes of admirations, filled with wonders of the world they have yet to embark. I was a free bird! I have been released from the tormenting place after 5 long dreadful years! Gone are the days when I had to adhere to strict conservative rules and taste the wrath of the loathsome female educators. Every movement I take is no longer governed by anyone but by myself, occasionally confronted by the criticisms of the society yet nothing too restrictive that hampers my spirit of rebellion.
You know how many tend to reminisce their glorious days in high school. As for me, I am simply glad that my high school years are over. Don’t get me wrong, I am certainly happy at the fact that I have met my best friends for life during high school. Sometimes I would chuckle while thinking about how we used to fight over who queues with who, how we accidentally got the teacher’s attention when I slapped her hand so hard in class, and that one time when we were punished to stand outside the classroom together for forgetting to bring a dictionary (seriously man, who brings a thick ass Kamus Dewan to school!). But most of my high school days were dark times. I was no cheerleader, I hated sports, I was afraid to speak in public let alone to be a debater. Popularity wise, I wasn’t exactly the most loveable girl of all. Heck I had glasses and braces, I was your typical kind of nerd! Throughout the later years of my high school, I got rid of them nerdy gears and entered the bad girl phase. After the weekly recess, the prefects jotted down my name for not cutting my nails (ain’t nobody got time for cutting nails when they had hardly even grown). The discipline teacher reprimanded me for my pinafore dress was way above my knees. More often that not I was spotted for having dyed and untidy hair. I thought to avoid being caught so often I had to be a prefect myself. But my mighty plan did not work as I carelessly failed my trial period when the discipline teacher spotted my extra piercings. I had 4 on my left ear and 3 on my right.
I hated school. I hated the dewan tertutup that suffocated us every Monday. I hated the teachers for shouting at us like we were dogs. I hated having to sit on the dirty floor in the hall everyday. I hated the sight of bloody used pads in the toilet. I hated the recess time that ended too quickly before I even had enough food. My happy times were out of school despite the fact that I had to attend 7 tuitions in a week. Those were the times when I truly learnt something out from the syllabus. One of the things, if not the only thing I could be proud of those days was my academic achievement. Stubborn and disobedient I was, I always maintained at the top 5 of the class. It was a competitive task having to defeat all the smart girls in our top class, but I did it once when I got number 1 during Form 4 *proud* XD If there was one thing that could dampens my spirit, it is not getting an A in any of my test or exam (such a typical high expectant Asian I know). There was once when I cried while holding on to my Sejarah text book for not being able to absorb the details of every single page wtf. Now to think about the amount of information we had to study those days, it was crazy we could even memorize them!
At this point I have no idea which direction this blog post is heading to. Just penning my hidden thoughts that were stirred up by that particular dream. So young, yet so full of hatred, you thought. That was me, whom I once used to be but not anymore. As time passed, I began to embrace the beauty and ugliness of this world and have become a part of it. My glory days had kept me waiting, but they have found me eventually. I savor the success I never once achieved, I feel the love I never dared dream of, I enjoy the attention I never used to receive. Most important of all, I realize how much blessing I have earned, blessing far greater than I ever deserve. There is no promise how long one could remain in this brilliant age of glory, but I am certainly grateful for everything in the present time. Whenever you feel disheartened, just remember, the dark hours will soon come to past. It is never gloom and depression, but rather joy and hope that keep us alive :)
Okay I was gonna post up some photos from my high school days but once I started browsing through them I was like NOOOOOOOOOOOOOUS!!! Too fugly beyond your imagination. So yea, for now you can only see my less ugly photos taken in the most recent times. Teehee.